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Oh Yes Paul

I am afraid that too many of us simply give in to avoid conflict. {my wife and I included} The problem is are you avoiding conflict or creating a bigger disaster in years to come.? I think unfortunately at some time a hard stance needs to be considered and adopted. But not without a great deal off thought on how to approach it.

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i wonder why i struggle and then i read storries like this and find out that everyone elses mum and dad are paying thier bills for them!

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Get all parties to read at least a quick internet summary of the findings in The Millionaire Next Door (includes studies on intergenerational wealth habits) before any more handouts.

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No not everyone else's parents are paying their kids bills. I think kids need to be more respectful and appreciative of their parents and their financial situation. Unless it's an emergency or the money is repaid, working kids shouldn't be leaning on their parents.

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In the book 'The Millionaire Next Door' (Danko & Stanley) this is referred to as Economic Outpatient Care (EOC). The impact is the children do not develop good monetary habits - they spend rather than save.

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This worked well for my late spouse and me. My suggestion is - talk to your wife about the increasing cost of living and mortgage payments. Suggest that all bills and debts should be budgeted for and paid first e.g. debts, food, insurance, repairs, medical, transport, etc etc - through a "our living account". A total should be arrived at - with a percentage also being added for a rainy day. Any remaining "free" money should be divided equally between you and your wife - for each to use as they wish. If your wife chooses to donate to her business - or to your rather thoughtless kids or grandkids, that is her choice. You, in the meantime should use your share as you wish - savings, investments, hobbies etc. Neither party should pressure the other to alter their choices or plans. Any deductions from the living account should be after full discussion - and (if required) with joint signatures. P.S. Don't tell ANYONE what you have accrued.

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This should be done on a monthly or weekly basis. Make it a strong, required habit.

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There is another problem that is not pointed out in the discussion here.

When the parents are high income, there is no difficulty for them with paying the house or saving for retirement. But nevertheless it does not mean that it is therefore fine to just "share" the remaining with the children.

Doing so would likely encourage entitled or irresponsable financial behaviors from the child. In a way it makes the problem worse in the case where a parent has a difficult time "not sharing" its own money. Teaching children to be responsible and autonomous financially by not over giving is a separate problem than can i afford to give to my children.

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Thanks for your insight Bobbie

I' m a step dad to 2 girls 19 and 21 who both have boyfriends

The boyfriends come and go as does my youngest stepdaughter

The girls first come to their mother to check its ok if their boyfriends can be paid for during a family meal etc -my wife just agrees ALL the time -my personal views are that the boyfriend should at least on some occassions offer to pay for himself and my daughter but it never happens. The eldest is v entitled and keeps asking her mother if the boyfriend can come to Spa days (cost £100) - I am out of the inclusion for any views on this from the kids perspective who know my stance of the boys should somehow offer and pay for some things -they also know my wife will always say yes. They come and eat food here , I pay for both the girls car insurance and I am the main breadwinner in the family. The eldest works 3 days a week and studies from home. They have recently cut off all contact from their dad -I'm keen not cause rifts but the eldest stepdaughter has on many occasions shown her alfa female character direct to my wife and been v rude but again my wife just brushes it aside and continues to give and give. My wife also loves the daughters boyfriend , they both build his ego up and at all costs want to make sure he is happy

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