Ask Paul: I helped one child, now the others want the same

Gifting one child land to build a house has sparked family tension for Pete. When equal isn't possible, what does fair actually look like, and how do you fix it?

Reader question

Hi Paul, I have four adult children but only one still lives in our hometown.

I live on a large block and my daughter and her husband were struggling to afford a house and land package, so I subdivided my block and gifted them a piece of land to build their first home.

Now my other children are upset that I only helped one child. They are asking me to buy each of them a block of land.

Paul, I can't afford land in Sydney or Melbourne. I was proud to be able to help out my daughter. She has stayed close to home in our small town and always lends a hand when I need it.

I am close to retirement and have enough if I am careful, but expensive blocks of land certainly aren't in my budget.

How can I make this right with my other kids even if I can't make it exactly fair? Thank you for your advice. - Pete

Paul's response

Darn. The best time for us to have had this chat, Pete, was before the decision to help your daughter.

It is a real shame, but when it comes to family harmony, money is one of the issues that causes the most disruption, in particular 'early inheritance' gifts.

Few could afford a block of land in Sydney and Melbourne. To be quite frank, I think your children in these big cities are being unreasonable. I can see you want to resolve the situation and I do get fairness when it comes to financial gifts and inheritance.

A good solution may be to look at the value of your gift. You mention you live in a small town; the land you subdivided may not be a big dollar amount.

You could have the subdivided block of land valued at the time of your death, and this value is attributed to your daughter, meaning the other three kids get a larger amount from the estate. Your own financial security in retirement comes first.

Your call. But for me the solution would be to explain the low cost.

I'd also be transparent about the fact that like pretty much every near retiree, the money is not there for capital.

What the other three kids is requesting is unfair.

A block of land subdivided by you is not equivalent to a city block of land. It may be that this can be resolved via your estate; a chat with your solicitor could be very helpful.

What to read next

• Ask Paul: Should we leave our kids unequal inheritances?
• Estate planning and wills: How to protect your assets
• How to plan your countdown to retirement
• Ask Paul: My wife won't stop giving our adult kids handouts
• How to best give away an early inheritance

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