Ask Paul: I grew up poor, now I'm worried my kids are spoilt

Dear Paul,

I arrived in Australia as a toddler. My family were refugees from Vietnam.

Money was always tight, but my parents worked hard to make sure my siblings and I never went without. We patched clothes, wore shoes with holes in them and were raised to maintain and look after our things.

Losing a hat at school was not an option. 

I got a scholarship for uni and am now fortunate to be earning more money than my parents ever earned combined. My husband also has a decent salary.

We have two children and I am worried they are becoming spoilt.

I am glad my children don't have to experience the hardships of my childhood, but I credit some of my best strengths to that experience.

How do I raise my children to appreciate the value of money and their immense privilege? - Louise

What an excellent question, Louise. Australia has provided so much opportunity to so many of us and it is such a privilege to live here.

Not for a moment could I say that things were anyway near as financially tight for my family as they were for yours, but we do have a lot in common, which will help me answer your question.

I arrived with my mum and dad and sister as an eight-year-old in 1963. We came out as '10 pound Poms'. Dad was a doctor and we settled in the NSW country town of Griffith.

We lived comfortably, but modestly.

After university, I started a business, Ipac securities, with four terrific guys. We made next to nothing for a few years.

But as my wife, Vicki, and my three kids came along, money was getting easier.

Our first son had his early years in a tiny semi, our middle daughter in a small three-bedroom house. Our final child, a daughter, arrived about five years later. Ipac was going really well, so she grew up in a large home.

We fretted about our kids not developing a work ethic, as you are doing, due to a very fortunate and comfortable life as teenagers.

But this has not happened. They work as hard as any other kids we know.

They were very successful academically and now have strong careers.

I had to chuckle at your comment that you now earn more than your parents combined. Our older two now do that and the youngest is on the same path.

How do I answer your question?

Well, Vicki and I like to think that our kids have lived with the value of work.

They have seen not just the benefits financially, but the personal rewards that effort and work bring.

It is not just money; succeeding is pretty cool and the best part is the work relationships and friendships you build.

We think we helped the kids a lot by them watching us value the money we have. We appreciated and respected the money we earned and used it carefully.

What I know is important is that we discussed money as a family and how we could best make choices with money.

My view is that there is nothing wrong with you being successful. Your parents will be so proud.

But I know you will value the money you earn and I believe that this attitude - working hard and valuing money - will be embedded in your children.

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