10 money questions to ask before moving in together

There comes a time in a new, romantic relationship when the topic of money emerges. Bit by bit you get an understanding of the other person's money habits as the relationship develops. Just as you share stories about your families and past relationships, it is natural to open up about money.

But getting the full picture of where your new partner stands on the money cycle can be delicate. I find most people are guarded and uncomfortable when talking about money. It can be easy to side-step the big questions.

When the conversation of moving in together comes up, it is time for full disclosure. Preferably over dinner and a bottle of wine. It would be unwise not to know your partner's money personality. It goes without saying, don't peek at their finances without their permission or lie about finances because it will probably come back to bite you.

Here are 10 questions to ask before you move in together.

1. How much money do you have? How much debt?

These are crucial relationship questions, but it can be an embarrassing reveal. You are letting the other person know how careful you are with your money.

Most likely, two people have different and unequal amounts of money.

Sometimes a person's outward presentation doesn't match up with how much money or debt they have. Often people with the new car and fashionable clothes who eat out at expensive restaurants can be juggling debt.

Don't be judgemental and make a big deal about what you find out. You can discuss it further over time.

2. What is your approach to money? 

Here's where you find out if your partner's approach to money is compatible with your own. What money issues will you quarrel over? How can you make it work if you have different approaches?

Ask them where they want to be financially in 10 years' time. This is when you discuss and decide on your financial goals. It is an opportunity to be clear about what you want. The next step is to work out how to get there.

3. Do you want to save for a home?

If either of you don't own a home, do you both agree that buying one is a good idea?

If you are both committed to buying a home, then further down the track you can work out how to save together to get there.

4. What, if any, bad money habits do you have?

It's time to come clean about any addictions that can get out of control. Whether it's gambling or taking bets on crypto currencies or substances, lay it all out for discussion.

5. What financial dependants do you have, including your parents?

Are there children from previous relationships that you are still supporting or an expectation that you will contribute to support relatives such as parents?

6. Are you open to drawing up a budget together?

Not everyone lives according to a budget, but it can help you reach your goals by allocating some earnings to savings.

7. How much do you earn? 

Tell each other what you earn. Are there any other sources of income such as a family trust or inheritance? Talk about employment history and whether your jobs are secure.

8. How do we manage household finances?

Do you keep separate accounts and split all bills? Or do you pool all your money into a shared account? Or do you share some accounts but run your own one? There's no right way to manage your finances. It's up to both of you.

I found myself always splitting bills when the relationship was new but over a long-term timeframe, in particular with kids and working less than my partner, the bills were pooled.

The financial regulator's consumer finance website, moneysmart.com.au, recommends that before you share a bank account or credit card with your partner, make sure you know the risks and responsibilities. Don't rush into it or sign anything you're unsure about.

Similarly, opening a joint bank account can make it easier to pay for shared expenses. It also means you both know how much money you have. But there are risks.

9. Who pays for what?

Should you contribute to common bills in proportion to earnings? Talk about how you'll split expenses and who's responsible for paying bills, rent and other regular payments.

If you both sign the lease for a rental property, then you're both responsible for the rent. Also decide if you want to add both your names to utility services such as electricity, gas, water and the internet.

10. How about a BFA?

If there is vastly unequal wealth between you and your partner, you may want to draw up a binding financial agreement (BFA). You don't have to be married to draw one up. BFAs are a way to limit what your partner will be able to claim in a divorce or break-up.

Binding financial agreements are particularly popular for second marriages. Where a partner has been through the ravages of a property settlement already, they may want to protect assets so that they can pass them onto their children from the first marriage.

In the event of a split, it makes it easier to retain assets such as the family home, inherited wealth, pre-owned assets for children from an earlier marriage and a family business. Treasured sentimental items, such as jewellery, antiques and paintings, can be quarantined too.

Get stories like this in our newsletters.